Photo credit: Roman Odintsov
We’re all awesome!
We’re all digitally connected.
We’re all on Meta and have 1,600 “friends.”
We’re all LinkedIn and hooked up six ways to Tuesday.
We all text, TikTok, post on X, and Zoom from across the room but have difficulty communicating with each other in person.
We all network and share our personal information—“NP.”
We all upload, download, and post and have no concept of privacy or
real intimacy.
We all live vicariously on YouTube and Instagram.
We all have dreams of going viral but can’t interpret the meaning
of our nocturnal dreams.
We’re all entrepreneurial—big-time!
We’re all aspiring technology moguls, businessmen, and businesswomen.
We’re all crazy competitive and have mad skills.
We all have strong business models, killer marketing strategies, and
off-the-map product lines.
We’re all ready to blow up, launch, go wide, roll it out, and take it
up to the next level.
We’re all up to our eyeballs in credit card debt and student loans.
We all have bad teeth, can’t afford health insurance, and can barely
make rent.
We’re all awesome!
We all have enough participation trophies to fill a warehouse but don’t
understand their meaning or value.
We all have standout tattoos, nose rings, tongue posts, nipple rings,
and face piercings.
We all feel emotionally mutilated and have been beaten and sexually abused.
We all have smartphones, iPods, iPads, Bluetooth, and more Apps than Jesus.
We all can’t find our pulse, nor can we appreciate the sound of our own
heartbeat.
We’re all stoked, pumped, amped, and jacked on Red Bull, Monster, and
5-hour Energy.
We’re all sleep deprived and have little sense of nutrition and live mostly
on fast and processed foods.
We all smoke, drink, sniff, snort, and vape, and are wired on prescription
drugs 14 hours a day.
We’re all on the same page. If you’re for it, we’re against it. Boom! Full stop.
End of discussion.
We all hate the government and don’t believe or trust anyone.
We all hate politics, politicians, teachers, police, doctors, bankers, and
the mainstream media.
We can all drive to the local Dunkin’ blindfolded but can’t locate Ukraine on a map.
We all support BLM, LGBTQ+, trans rights, women’s rights, and people who
identify as nonbinary but don’t give rat’s ass about the plight of POC in Yemen.
We all think cheating is respectable and something to be admired.
We’re all freaking awesome!
We’re all terrified of being canceled, outsourced, and jabbed out of existence.
We all have zero savings and can’t see a future past the following Thursday.
We all feel entitled but resent living at home with our parents.
We all have a marginal idea of who we are and barely know each other beyond
our online identities and X handle.
We all live in fear of being raped, murdered, and imprisoned and live distant,
digital lives.
We all have more faith and trust in artificial intelligence than any adult over fifty-five.
We’re a proud army of walking barcodes ready, willing, and able to scan, insert,
swipe, and tap at the drop of a hat.
We all have little or no sense of history and think JFK is an airport, MLK is a boulevard, and FDR is a highway.
We’re all utterly confused and depressed and have frequent thoughts of suicide.
We all have no clue how or why the world got to where it is today.
We all feel that this our inherence and that we’re not the cause. We’re the effect.
We all close our eyes at night and wish to God we lived on another planet in
another universe.
Incredibly well-phrased and brilliantly descriptive of the maladies that ail us all